Guiding principles of an alpha male

A field report on the forums describing a situation that went really wrong got me thinking about how it got to that point in the first place. The first two points on the list below were the guiding principles which would have averted the situation, for me. In the back of my mind, I realized, “that’s not all of my principles and I think the guys would appreciate hearing about the other ones.”

To be clear, the list is about principles, not hard and fast rules. Context is critical. The list isn’t numbered because any particular situation might call for different prioritizations. When applying any particular principle, the action must always be considered in relation to all of the other principles. If any of the other principles make the action less desirable, come up with another action. It should be a delicate and considered balancing act. Never have reason to regret a choice that you’ve made.

An alpha male:

• doesn’t need to have a “relationship”, he realizes women will keep coming back because there is no better man than him.
• doesn’t give a damn about sharing a woman with another man. Jealousy puts an alpha male out of his frame.
• recognizes situations, determines consequences, and chooses actions. Matter of factly.
• makes no emotional investment into any particular outcome. The universe reveals itself to him and he simply adjusts.
• has appropriate ego boundaries. Manipulation of and by others is weakness. Expectations lead to manipulation.
• unabashedly feels and expresses the full range of human emotions. He doesn’t care that others may not like him displaying his feelings.
• recognizes that he has weaknesses and is ready to learn from others so that he can overcome them. Ignorance and denial destroy alphaness.
• is aware of everything occurring in his life. He constantly questions his current understandings and awareness.
• is constantly questioning his fear. Understanding his fears makes him stronger and gives him understanding into others.
• seeks out, and propagates the truth.
• is a man of strong morality with no middle ground.
• won’t tolerate others disrupting his frame and will eliminate people from his life who don’t respect it.
• will protect those he loves without hesitation and with every last ounce of his life.
• just leads.

So here are each of these principles, with a little more explanation.

An alpha male doesn’t need to have a “relationship”, he realizes women will keep coming back because there is no better man than him. I put relationship in quotes to indicate what society would classify as a desired or appropriate relationship. In other words, an alpha male will accommodate relationships that suit him and in all likelihood are outside of what society would consider appropriate. Example: a once a week tryst with a married woman. The woman simply wants an adventure and an emotionally light relationship. Disrupting her primary relationship can destroy what she came to you for in the first place. As for the second part of this principle, it’s silly to think that there really is no better man than yourself. Yet, having this idea deeply embedded in your mind forms the core of your confidence. Confidence has nothing to do with rationality or reality!

An alpha male doesn’t give a damn about sharing a woman with another man. Jealousy puts an alpha male out of his frame. When I posted this on the forum, PFC thought that I was aiming at polyamory — the open loving of more than one person. Although that is an interesting, and very applicable insight, I was actually more interested in pointing out the perils of jealousy. It completely destroys your frame, puts you in a position of dependency on the woman’s choices and behavior, and most importantly destroys your confidence when interacting with other women. If you don’t like a woman’s behavior, especially if she’s trying to goad you into being jealous, remember… an alpha male always has options. Tell her to take a walk.

An alpha male recognizes situations, determines consequences, and chooses actions. Matter of factly. Emotions are a very important part of what makes us human. Ignoring emotions is exactly what makes psychopaths so cold. The point of this principle is not to be emotionless, it’s about being rational when everyone else is being swept away by their emotions. Unfortunately, sometimes the best action in a bad situation might be very unpleasant. Removing the emotionality of it makes it happen. In less serious situations, this attitude makes conquering fears much easier. Approaching a set might scare you — sweaty hands, quavering voice, and all that. But ignoring those emotional responses (that are still very much there) will take you right into that set where you can shine.

An alpha male makes no emotional investment into any particular outcome. The universe reveals itself to him and he simply adjusts. This principle is related to the principles above and below it in the list. The gist of this principle is about adjusting to the situation. Emotional investments lead to blame rather than doing the hard work of self-change. For instance, if a relationship with a lover ends, feeling sad about the loss of it is totally appropriate. You made an investment of your time and effort into that relationship. However, if things weren’t working out, an emotional investment in the relationship’s continuation would interfere with ending it.

An alpha male has appropriate ego boundaries. Manipulation of and by others is weakness. Expectations lead to manipulation. Nearly all relationships that go all screwy, do so because of not following this principle. The resulting condition is called “enmeshment”. Enmeshment comes from the family systems theory in psychology. It refers to the condition where two or more people weave their lives and identities around one another so tightly that it is difficult for any one of them to function independently. The opposite extreme way of relating, “detachment”, refers to a condition where the people are so independent in their functioning that it is difficult to figure out how they relate to one another. A proper ego boundary is somewhere in between. If you find expectations creeping into your relationship, it’s a sure sign that this principle is not being followed. Remember: the rest of the universe has just as much a right to self-actualize as you. Let it. Plus, an alpha male always has options.

An alpha male unabashedly feels and expresses the full range of human emotions. He doesn’t care that others may not like him displaying his feelings. Yep, this principle runs directly counter to the “matter of factly” principle up above. The only thing appropriate to add to this point is that being overly emotional, or easily swept away by emotion can appear to be weakness too. Depends on the person.

An alpha male recognizes that he has weaknesses and is ready to learn from others so that he can overcome them. Ignorance and denial destroy alphaness. This principle might seem contradictory… if an alpha male is not weak, how can he have weaknesses? It simply gets at the point that we’re all human and we aren’t perfect. Recognizing and accepting that we’re not perfect frees us to search for our imperfections. Having a weakness does not make you weak. But, fixing a weakness will make you stronger. Women, for the most part, have excellent bullshit detectors. Ignorance and denial leads to spewing all kinds of b.s.

An alpha male is aware of everything occurring in his life. He constantly questions his current understandings and awareness. This principle is directly related to the point above. It’s a tool to avoid blind-spots by forcing you to reevaluate things that seem to be ok. It also prevents things from slipping by. Above all, it gives you the tools to adjust your understanding and actions to the needs of the moment. During pick-up, this is called calibration.

An alpha male is constantly questioning his fear. Understanding his fears makes him stronger and gives him understanding into others. Fear is a wonderful aid that evolution has given us for self-preservation. The problem though is that fear initiates in the amygdala, a very primitive part of our brain that reacts much more quickly, and more importantly, overrides our “thinking” cerebrum. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, a psychological regimen where phobias are overcome by directly facing the fear, has been very successful in getting people past them. In life-or-death situations, facing fear means you will be able to better respond such that you and your loved ones will live through it.

An alpha male seeks out, and propagates the truth. And the truth will set you free…

An alpha male is a man of strong morality with no middle ground. This does not mean that he’s inflexible! It’s about standing firm with the truth. It’s about not being blown about by the wind. It’s about providing a rock that loved ones can rely on. It makes propagating the truth realizable.

An alpha male won’t tolerate others disrupting his frame and will eliminate people from his life who don’t respect it. Generally speaking, alpha males are ‘inclusive’ — they create a social environment around them that is very inviting for others to join in, the life of the party. On the other hand, some people are vexatious spirits. They do nothing but sow discontent by constantly reacting in opposition to the alpha male (and/or female). Sometimes it’s from simple foolishness, other times it’s from envy. The only solution for dealing with people like this is to expel them from your social circle. If it’s a woman, an alpha male always has options.

An alpha male will protect those he loves without hesitation and with every last ounce of his life. Alpha males survive to reproduce. One likely reason as to why! The principle above is critical when taken with this principle. Dying to protect another is a gift reserved only for those that deserve it.

An alpha male just leads.