The beginning of this year I made a resolution to start some extreme personal development. I’ve really been improving myself in a lot ways, so much so that my friends feel it’s to the point that it’s out of the ordinary. The most common things my friends say to me when I tell them about this extreme personal development is “just be yourself.” In spite of their comments, I have gained more confidence than ever, especially with the opposite sex, & my social life is thriving more than it ever has.
Rather than having a “just be yourself” mindset, I prefer having a “push myself,” “actualize myself,” “never let myself get comfortable” mindset. When I hear the phrase “just be yourself” it triggers in my mind staying on cruise control through life, settling for a humdrum life of just going through the motions. Always take the easy way out rather than embrace the challenges.
It gets under my skin when people tell me “just be yourself.” I question whether they are just making use of that phrase because it is such an old cliche or if they are truly sincere. Thus I always ask people when they use this cliche, “What do you mean by that?” Most people aren’t able to break it down very much, but the best answer I heard is when a friend said: “relax, it just means relax.” I believe having a life mindset of “push myself” is the only way to reach true authenticity & to really “just be myself,” & even then it is an ongoing transformation. It’s a bit of a paradox isn’t it?
For myself & for I believe lots of people it is very challenging to “be one’s-self.” It’s even more of a challenge when you’re unique &/or weird & must integrate with mainstream society, like corporate life. It takes a great deal of courage & confidence for one to break out of years of ingrained “keep the status quo” habits & go against the grain & letting the true colors show. Plus it doesn’t help much when the majority of the people surrounding me are content to not push any limits to develop themselves. However for me it is worth it.
Rather than just write about & think about these concepts, it is more important to have practical applications. Here are some practical applications to “push myself” so that the real authentic self comes through naturally:
-Make a list of items I have always wanted to do in life, & do them without regard to what anyone else thinks. This could be starting a new hobby or a mass lifestyle change.
-Be playfully mean to people. Tell someone to do something you want them to do. Give orders so that I get my way. (Example: at the coffee shop today I ordered green tea, but I told the girl “It better not be Jasmine!” Making a direct order to her like this caused her to feel attraction towards me, & we ended up discussing our tastes in tea. For me this is socially out of my comfort zone, but as I do it more & more it is becoming more & more comfortable to do. Soon I will have to start doing something else outside of my social comfort zone…
-Harness Times of Motivation. For me there are certain time phases when I feel more especially motivated than others. Then there are times when I feel unashamedly lazy. During the Times of Motivation, I must milk every day, hour, minute, & second for everything that it is worth. One way I do this is set a deadline & list items I want to accomplish within this deadline. During the time within the deadline I am able to stay more focused & productive; & in turn I automatically feel more in the zone/in nimbus state more than usual.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
The “just be yourself” cliche is only effective from the correct perspective. It’s a vague catch-all that everybody uses, but most don’t really understand.
Reality is… People see you changing, and it threatens them. It threatens the norm, threatens where they stand in relationship to you, and makes them insecure in newly found differences of opinion with you. Whereas they tell you to “just be yourself” in hopes that you’ll stop trying to be someone unlike them (presumably), you’re actually very different because you’re in the process of self-discovery in the first place.
I know what you mean by be “playfully mean to people,” but I think that it could be misconstrued. You mean cocky funny. Basically, showing you’re strong and your kindness is a gift as opposed to something that you give everybody (regardless of how they treat you, even people who are truly “mean” as opposed to “playfully mean”) because you’re weak.
Now everyone is talking about the American economy and eclections, nice to read something different. Eugene