On Dealing With Frustration

One of the guys from the memphis lair, IceCreamMan, recently posed the question: “What do you do to rebound and stay motivated???”

I think the key to this question and what he’s really getting at is… How do you deal with frustration without giving up?

I think this is a really good topic. I’ve noticed as I’ve grown as a person I’ve gotten to the point that any time I find myself extremely frustrated I can identify myself falling into a lifelong pattern. In other words, if I hear my internal monologue getting all inflamed and upset about something it puts up a red flag for my consciousness that something is off kilter.

I cannot control circumstance, but I can adjust my mindset. So I’ve gotten in the habit of identifying strong emotion I experience as an indicator that there is something wrong in my head, and NOT the circumstance. It is our natural inclination to blame the circumstance for all of our problems because it puts the blame on anywhere but us.

When I’ve been wronged by people, I can almost always trace it back to something other than me. It always goes back to one thing: they’re afraid. I can empathize with fear… whatever it is. I’ve been afraid a lot in my life, and I know it’s hard to be brave. If I’ve been attacked, I can realize that ultimately a person only attacks when they feel insecure and threatened. If your girlfriend isn’t trusting you, it’s because she’s afraid — and it’s not because you’re not necessarily trust worthy. It’s because the people in her past have wronged her and made it difficult for her to get close to another man. Whose fault is that? Theirs? Well, they were afraid too when they hurt her. Ultimately it’s not theirs either… It’s something else: it’s circumstances. And no one can really be blamed, in my mind. Blame then, is irrelevant! Why search for blame?

Because I’m able to empathize with fear, and having conquered so much of it in my life, I can get away with not holding it against people. I can move on and realize it wasn’t about me. Their response to me was determined by so many circumstances outside of my control. In some cases, no matter how hard I could’ve tried, things still would’ve turned out bad — no amount of effort or strategy would fix the situation.

So here’s the interesting thing… Fear is a disease. If I’m frustrated because I’m not making enough money at work — I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to make my bills. If I’m frustrated because I’m attacked by those around me, it’s because I’m afraid I won’t get acceptance. However, in my mind, the people around me that are attacking me are doing it because they’re afraid as well.

So I deal with the fear I’ve caught from others in the only way I’ve learned fear can be dealt with: proactivity. If I’m frustrated or fearful I do exactly what I’ve been putting off. I clean the dishes. I clean my room. I apply at jobs. I work on my website. I read a book. I workout. And last but not least, I call up the people I know I can trust to ensure I have a good time and I go out when it’s all said and done and have fun (you might call this sarging if you’re doing it to pick up women). Basically, when I feel life and people around me are challenging me… I up the ante. I challenge myself more, defeat it, and feel like the king all over again.